http://mms.proms.com/
Sunday, May 17, 2009
My Video Testimony
Update to my earlier testimony. Somewhat revised and from the actual sharing in front of my church.
http://mms.proms.com/newcitychurchla/sermonwmvs/NewCityStory_09_05_10_Matt_Lane.wmv
http://mms.proms.com/
Sunday, February 8, 2009
My Testimony
"Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean that I'm lost..." -Coldplay
What is my testimony?
Well, I grew up in the Lutheran church as both my mother and father were avid churchgoers. Ultimately, as my parents went, so did my brothers and I. As a child I can remember weeks where numerous days were spent at our church: potlucks, choir practice, youth group, 1st communion, etc. Almost all of my parent's friends were members of our congregation. As were my friends. It was a tight knit community in a small college-town in the heartland of America's midwest. Everything seemed perfect. Every family seemed ideal.
The church was us. We were the church.
However, things changed as my did my family. When our family moved from middle-America to the great Pacific Northwest, my parents fully grasped and accepted the reality of who they were: homosexual.
And yes, it was a "they." As in both.
Some say that in life when one door closes another one opens. You know, it's that old idea of balance throughout the universe. Well, I am here to attest to the fact that sometimes when one closet door opens, other doors close. Such as those to churches.
It was during this time period where I know longer felt the acceptance and compassion of the Christian message to "love they neighbor." Instead my family and I were met with the not quite so tolerant messages of "GOD HATES FAGS," "GOD MADE ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND STEVE" and "GAYS WILL BURN IN HELL." From the whispers of congregations to the signs and chants of protest along the streets of civil rights marches, these were the common phrases of Christians. To be a gay person was to be unwanted in the church. That much was made clear to me as a teenager. Needless to say, attending church, even in a liberal city like Portland, Oregon became a very difficult and spiritually frustrating mission.
A mission in which I can look back on now and accept failure.
In passing, it was during this time period where my path as a Christian began to change. My experiences with homophobia, hatred and discrimination, when coupled with my inquisitive nature, began to paint a negative picture of what being a Christian meant to me. And while my faith in God remained firmly planted in my heart of hearts, my faith in Christians disappeared through not only my own personal experiences of intolerance, but other historical examples of discrimination, genocide, and destruction by Christians in the name of Jesus Christ. I questioned the necessity of siding with and involving myself within a community of people who would use such a thing as religion as a tool of hate, of power, and of control to policies with which I disagreed.
You see, I was losing. Losing my faith in Christianity. Losing my desire for a church-going community.
While losing, I did what so many of us have done; I wandered. Throughout my early and mid-twenties I wandered as I was spiritually homeless. You see, even though I believed in God and even though I prayed to God regularly, I was angry. Disillusioned. I was not grounded. And as a result I found myself unhappy and disconnected. My feelings of anger and disgust were ultimately misplaced. Because it should not have been God with whom I was angry. It should have been my fellow, and often flawed, brethren of man.
I was a broken man. And in many ways I still am. I did not go to church, except for, on a rare occasion, a holiday service of sorts. I did not read the Bible. I did not acknowledge the importance of worshipping with others. This feelings endured within me throughout college and the year following my graduation.
However, after meeting my future wife, I felt a divine desire, a calling of sorts, to reconnect with God in an honest and healthy manner. I shared with her my reservations and my unwillingness to attend any type of church that did not openly accept and love people of all orientations. While we would have many arguments, and still do, on the role and importance of a church community, I finally accepted the despair in my life and the need of a newer, and stronger relationship with the Lord. My reservations on attending church would temporarily be placed on the backburner so-to-speak. Sort of one of those "agree to disagree" areas of contention in any marriage.
Until this past year.
On her own journey, she recognized the want and need to find a church to attend regularly; a spiritual home if you will. And of course, as her husband, she wanted me to join her. Arguments, sometimes ugly, ensued. But ultimately her way, and the Lord's will prevailed. And after visiting numerous churches, we found New City -- a church that is as diverse and amazing as this wonderful City of Angels that I call home.
And In New City, I have found a church that openly accepts ALL people to join in its worship of Jesus Christ -- including homosexuals.
In New City, I have found a church that recognizes and loves the flaws and sins within all of us.
In New City, I have found hope.
And in New City, I have found a way to defeat my doubt in the nature of church and other Christians.
Amen.
What is my testimony?
Well, I grew up in the Lutheran church as both my mother and father were avid churchgoers. Ultimately, as my parents went, so did my brothers and I. As a child I can remember weeks where numerous days were spent at our church: potlucks, choir practice, youth group, 1st communion, etc. Almost all of my parent's friends were members of our congregation. As were my friends. It was a tight knit community in a small college-town in the heartland of America's midwest. Everything seemed perfect. Every family seemed ideal.
The church was us. We were the church.
However, things changed as my did my family. When our family moved from middle-America to the great Pacific Northwest, my parents fully grasped and accepted the reality of who they were: homosexual.
And yes, it was a "they." As in both.
Some say that in life when one door closes another one opens. You know, it's that old idea of balance throughout the universe. Well, I am here to attest to the fact that sometimes when one closet door opens, other doors close. Such as those to churches.
It was during this time period where I know longer felt the acceptance and compassion of the Christian message to "love they neighbor." Instead my family and I were met with the not quite so tolerant messages of "GOD HATES FAGS," "GOD MADE ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND STEVE" and "GAYS WILL BURN IN HELL." From the whispers of congregations to the signs and chants of protest along the streets of civil rights marches, these were the common phrases of Christians. To be a gay person was to be unwanted in the church. That much was made clear to me as a teenager. Needless to say, attending church, even in a liberal city like Portland, Oregon became a very difficult and spiritually frustrating mission.
A mission in which I can look back on now and accept failure.
In passing, it was during this time period where my path as a Christian began to change. My experiences with homophobia, hatred and discrimination, when coupled with my inquisitive nature, began to paint a negative picture of what being a Christian meant to me. And while my faith in God remained firmly planted in my heart of hearts, my faith in Christians disappeared through not only my own personal experiences of intolerance, but other historical examples of discrimination, genocide, and destruction by Christians in the name of Jesus Christ. I questioned the necessity of siding with and involving myself within a community of people who would use such a thing as religion as a tool of hate, of power, and of control to policies with which I disagreed.
You see, I was losing. Losing my faith in Christianity. Losing my desire for a church-going community.
While losing, I did what so many of us have done; I wandered. Throughout my early and mid-twenties I wandered as I was spiritually homeless. You see, even though I believed in God and even though I prayed to God regularly, I was angry. Disillusioned. I was not grounded. And as a result I found myself unhappy and disconnected. My feelings of anger and disgust were ultimately misplaced. Because it should not have been God with whom I was angry. It should have been my fellow, and often flawed, brethren of man.
I was a broken man. And in many ways I still am. I did not go to church, except for, on a rare occasion, a holiday service of sorts. I did not read the Bible. I did not acknowledge the importance of worshipping with others. This feelings endured within me throughout college and the year following my graduation.
However, after meeting my future wife, I felt a divine desire, a calling of sorts, to reconnect with God in an honest and healthy manner. I shared with her my reservations and my unwillingness to attend any type of church that did not openly accept and love people of all orientations. While we would have many arguments, and still do, on the role and importance of a church community, I finally accepted the despair in my life and the need of a newer, and stronger relationship with the Lord. My reservations on attending church would temporarily be placed on the backburner so-to-speak. Sort of one of those "agree to disagree" areas of contention in any marriage.
Until this past year.
On her own journey, she recognized the want and need to find a church to attend regularly; a spiritual home if you will. And of course, as her husband, she wanted me to join her. Arguments, sometimes ugly, ensued. But ultimately her way, and the Lord's will prevailed. And after visiting numerous churches, we found New City -- a church that is as diverse and amazing as this wonderful City of Angels that I call home.
And In New City, I have found a church that openly accepts ALL people to join in its worship of Jesus Christ -- including homosexuals.
In New City, I have found a church that recognizes and loves the flaws and sins within all of us.
In New City, I have found hope.
And in New City, I have found a way to defeat my doubt in the nature of church and other Christians.
Amen.
Friday, January 2, 2009
My Mission?
“The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.” - Thomas Paine
Simply put, these words from the author of one of the most influential pamphlets in human history, summarize my rather simple reason for existence: TO BETTER THE LIVES OF OTHERS. Religion in this context is not meant to replace my connection with God, but more-so religion in the sense of a "doctrine" of beliefs.
The belief in change is why I'm here...
...why I teach...
...why I live...
...and ultimately, it is why I will die.
Thank you, anybody, for listening.
Simply put, these words from the author of one of the most influential pamphlets in human history, summarize my rather simple reason for existence: TO BETTER THE LIVES OF OTHERS. Religion in this context is not meant to replace my connection with God, but more-so religion in the sense of a "doctrine" of beliefs.
The belief in change is why I'm here...
...why I teach...
...why I live...
...and ultimately, it is why I will die.
Thank you, anybody, for listening.
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